Hints for Heterosexuals

[HeraldMage]

1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude.

2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.

3. Do not assume she/he is attracted to you.

4. Do not assume she/he is not attracted to you.

5. Do not assume that you are not attracted to her/him.

6. Do not expect him/her to be as excited about meeting a straight person as you may be about meeting a queer person.

7. Do not immediately start talking about your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife in order to make it clear that you are straight.

8. Do not ask them how they got that way. Instead, ask yourself how you got the way you are.

9. Do not assume they are dying to talk about being gay.

10. Do not expect them to refrain from talking about being gay.

11. Do not trivialize their experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue. They are gay twenty-four hours a day.

[Valyn]

YOU SAID IT!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Omega]

I'd like to take up issue against a few of those points.

5. How can you assume anything other than what you feel? Second guessing yourself is pointless.

11. I would state that being gay is a bedroom issue. Heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals the same sex. The issue is attraction and sex here. People can love and care for anyone, reguardless of sex, but the designation of sexual preference is based soley on who you'd rather go to bed with. It is a 24 hour a day thing, but that's becuase people don't stop looking for a mate becuase of the hour of the day. Being gay doesn't change anything about a person other than who they are attracted to, they still live their lives the same as anyone else, even wierd people at times, but in general, normal, cause there are a whole bunch of stereotypes I think are probably a load of crap, but that's another issue.

Hahaha, guess I sucked the humor out of this thread.

Don't hurt me, that's just my opinion.

[HeraldMage]

Yes, Omega, you *have* sucked some of the humor out, but that's okay -- I really can't rag you about that since I've done it before. Bit hypocritical, you know.

Anyway, to reply to your points,

5. Yes, people can and do make assumptions about how they will or are reacting (Generally, the assumption is made before encountering the situation, but not always) That and they will mistake or purposefully ignore those feelings. (It's called 'denial') A little soul-searching never hurt anyone.

11. Being gay isn't just about who you go to bed with. It also influences personality (to some degree) and outlook. Ever seen a butch straight girl? (Well, I have, but she turned out to be not so much straight as in deeeeep deeeeeep denial). I'm not saying that stereotypes of LGBT people are always correct, but I am saying that there is a difference in personality. Outlook, that's a big thing. I can't deny that maybe it wouldn't be so big if there wasn't so much homophobia in society right now, but that would be mere speculation. As it is, with 'gay' being an all-purpose insult in school, it's kind of hard not to have a rather unique perspective on life. Who you sleep with is a bedroom issue; who you *are* is not.

And now, I have aided and abetted you in removing any particle of humor from this thread.

[Omega]

Counterpoints.

5. If I know I'm not attracted to men, I know it will never happen, who knows, the guy could be a great friend, but I'm 110% sure that's all it'll be. Now I might have different feelings for a gal, but chances of that are still small. What it comes down to is a few things, I can tell you if a guy looks good, but I still wont be sexually attracted to him, I'm not wired that way, and if there is little chance of anything happening with a girl, I wont pursue the issue. Maybe that's just me though.

11. The term homosexual is only a reference to sexual preferance. Sex is sex, get past the concept that other people can't have the same emotions as a gay person. Hell, anyone with something to hide probably feels just the same as a person in the closet. Sexual relations are such a small part of being human, being gay is nothing special, just different. The only reason it's an issue is cause people are afraid of what the gay person might feel towards them, it wierds people out. I think if society was open enough that we got to a point where nothing was gender segrigated, it'd be alot less of a problem. People just need to grow up, I don't care who likes me, so long as it's not sexual, or as long as I don't know and it never comes up. I wont lie, I don't really like the concept of homosexuality, but I can live with it well enough cause lets face it, gays are people too, and why make a total judgement call on something that's such a small part of their being. Back to my point, in a literal sense of the word, the only difference between heteros and homos is what goes on in the bedroom or concerning what might go on.

Yep, it's official, all the humor is gone.

[HeraldMage]

Point and Counterpoint

5. In your particular case, maybe. But that doesn't apply to everyone. I know a girl who spent most of her high-school years trying to find a boyfriend, and going through a series of rather unhappy relationships, before she realized near the end of her senior year that the reason she had never gotten on well with her boyfriends was that what she really wanted came in a rather different package. It had simply never occurred to her that she might be a lesbian, until she met this girl during spring break. Most gay people do not realize what's really going on with them right away. (I know I didn't). So while the particular point may not have any bearing on you in particular, in general it holds true.

11. In a perfect world, maybe there’d be less of a difference, but face it, the world is not perfect and won’t ever get there. I don’t know how many gay people you know, but from my personal experience (both in terms of myself and others), there *is* a difference in outlook, personality, and attitude. If it weren’t, how would you expect to be able identify anyone who is gay? (I know you can’t pick out everyone, but there’s a few people out there who are just too obvious for words.) Like I said last time, the “straight” butch girl – a friend of mine, BTW – I had her figured for a closet case well before she came out. It just showed, in her attitude and opinions. I’m not saying that gay people and straight people have completely different emotions, but there are differences, and being gay isn’t just something that happens in the bedroom.

[Omega]

In my relentless and bullheaded fashion, I shall continue.

5. That was one girl, people can discover themselves whenever, but most people know where they're at already, the whole world isn't in the closet waiting to come out. If people just accepted how they felt, it wouldn't be an issue. If straight people second guess themselves, they'll jsut get nervous, and all that fear that closet gays have is cause they don't accept their feelings, they fight it cause it's not "normal". Always trust your gut, your emotions, your head, and to hell with convention and other peoples opinions.

11. The world wont be perfect so long as people walk around thinking it can't be, but perfection is overrated, we don't need a perfect world for things to run smoothly. I don't want to hear this you can't possibly imagine what it feels like crap, I'm sick of this. I hear it often enough from blacks who think just cause their skin is a certian color I can't possibly feel what they do. BULL SHIT! If people want to get up on a cross and bleed, fine, but make sure it's clear why, cuase they want to be special, different. I'm not a comformist in any way, but I know how I fit in as a human. It's the same old story, I'll recognize minorities and the culture they have, but I'll be damned if I let them say they have any more problems than anyone else, great, you're different, get over it, no one cares anymore. I take solice in the fact that as civil rights came to be accepted and most of the commotion died down, so too will this gay thing. People are people, it is a bedroom thing, how dare you say that you can feel any different than the rest of us, that's the most egotistical thing I've ever heard. So some gays or "flamers" stick out, big deal, there are pleanty of other people with just as flamboyant appearances and actions, that's not stereotypical gay, that's stereotypical wierd.

I'm sorry if this is getting out of hand, but I will never accept that gay people are any differnt than me or anyone else except for that they prefer the same sex. I will go to the ends of the Earth to prove my point.

[Valyn]

Omega, you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about

First of all, "all that fear that closet gays have is cause they don't accept their feelings" Nuh-uh. Most of the fear that closet gays have is because they're worried about getting the crap beaten out of them by the bigots at school. And don't even TRY to tell me that's overrated -- not when I have to deal with kids yelling 'faggot' at me – and worse -- almost EVERY FUCKING DAY. Dude, you have no idea what you're talking about.

Second of all, "I'll recognize minorities and the culture they have, but I'll be d**ned if I let them say they have any more problems than anyone else" When was the last time you had to deal with prejudice and discrimination? I agree that basically gays and straights don’t have different emotions, but we sure as hell do have different experiences. Someone stuck a note in my locker last week that said (with spelling cleaned up a bit) “All you fairy-ass queers are going to burn in hell” When was the last time you got that thrown at you? “All that fear that closet gays have is cause they don't accept their feelings, they fight it cause it's not "normal".” I’m not the one who has a problem with accepting my feelings. I am perfectly happy and content with the way I am. It’s the rest of the world that thinks I’m a pervert.

[Omega]

Oh, I guess I don't know what I'm talking about, cuase after all gays are the only ones with problems in high school. f**k that, I carried a knife with me every day cuase I was afraid of what some f**ker would try to do to me, I'm not gay, I'm not a minority per se, I was just an unpopular kid with lots of people who hated me. Also, if you're afraid of what other people think to the point you can't be yourself, then you're a pathetic weakling, grow a spine and be yourself, you can't crawl through life trying to make other people happy, you'll always be miserable if you do that. Also, you will stop speaking for all gays from this point forward, who elected you their spokesperson.

Individuals have experiences, not groups, not minorities. It all depends on who you are, where you live, there's soo much more to it. When I lived in Germany, kids shot rocks at me with these wierd little gun things (f**king hurt), I used to get all sorts of crap for being fat, for being smart, don't assume cuase I'm a straight white guy that I haven't had to deal with prejudice. I've had my life threatened before, all sorts of lovely crap. Get over it, other people have problems just as big as yours. I had to take control of my life to get my problems fixed, stop blaming other people and make your moves.

[HeraldMage]

Okay, this has officially gotten out of hand. Valyn, you're not the only one with problems in the world. Omega, ditto. What was supposed to be a HUMOR post has turned into something really nasty, and no one needs it. I'm hereby locking this topic, before it gets even uglier. Now will everybody please CALM THE HELL DOWN?!?!

Reminder: RULE NUMBER ONE. Omega, Valyn, you both were being offensive and rude. I don't appreciate it, and I don't want any of it on my website.